Picture this: Your palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, regretting your choice of baked spaghetti (thanks, Eminem). You’re nervous, but on the surface, you look calm and ready to introduce yourself to an almost- or complete-stranger at a networking event, conference, or coffee shop. Most people aren’t very good at breaking the inertia and getting beyond polite pleasantries and small talk. Here’s a way you can naturally network with confidence without the icky feelings of manipulation.

1) Say “Hi” and give your name and what you do and/or did. I’ll go first: “Hi, I’m Craig Janney, a church consultant and clergy coach headquartered in Harrisonburg, VA. Before that, I was doing similar work for Cooperative Baptist Fellowship in Atlanta.”

2) Provide an obvious compliment. Here’s my example, “Your Facebook posts keep me laughing, especially your latest one about < insert post synthesis >!”

3) Give some context about where you’ve seen them before. Try something like, “Our paths crossed last fall during the regional conference.”

4) Offer a shared friend or commonalities. “My dear friend Deborah told me if I saw you to say hello for her, so ‘Hello from Deborah!’ She’s my best buddy.”

5) Ask a related question and listen deeply. To continue the conversation, ask, “How did you and Deborah meet?”

6) Make your request for their help, leaning into their expertise. A simple call to action might be, “You are so well-connected. I’d love to grow my coaching practice. Who is the best coach you know here? I’ll be sure to give you credit for the endorsement.”

7) Finish with grace and gratitude. End your short conversation by keeping the door open, “I’m so glad I got to visit with you here. I’ll be sure to give Deborah your warm regards and < best coach’s name > your accolades. Keep posting and I’ll keep liking.”

8) Follow-up with a thank-you. Circle back around after your meeting to say thanks for the conversation and introduction. Let them know how they’ve helped you and offer to pay it forward: “I can’t thank you enough for introducing me to < best coach’s name >. We had a great conversation about how to build my client base - she even offered to coach me for the next quarter at the friends-of-friends discount rate! You’ve really inspired me to lead from abundance and open doors for others. Thank you!”

BONUS) Pay it forward. Seriously, kindness received is kindness given. Or, as Genesis 12:2 puts it, “…I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.”

Most people aren’t very good at breaking the inertia and getting beyond polite pleasantries and small talk.

Here’s the long-form conversation from my (your) side:

“Hi, I’m Craig Janney, a church consultant and clergy coach headquartered in Harrisonburg, VA. Before that, I was doing similar work for Cooperative Baptist Fellowship in Atlanta. Your Facebook posts keep me laughing, especially your latest one about < insert post synthesis >! Our paths crossed last fall during the regional conference. My dear friend Deborah told me if I saw you to say hello for her, so ‘Hello from Deborah!’ How did you and Deborah meet? …You’re so well-connected. I’d love to grow my coaching practice. Who is the best coach you know here? I’ll be sure to give you credit for the endorsement. … I’m so glad I got to visit with you here. I’ll give Deborah your warm regards and < best coach’s name > your accolades. Keep posting and I’ll keep liking.”

To recap, here’s the shorthand formula for networking like a pro:

Networking = Hi + Compliment + Context + Connection + Question + Call to Action + Closing + Kindness

If you see me around, please say hello. I’d love to chat and help you network!

Let me know in the comments what conference you’re attending next and I’ll be sure to reply.